Endings and Beginnings
by longjeyne
Summary: a collection of prompts/oneshots/drabbles for Jian/Ruki type things. rated T for some swears and some sex stuff.
1. Interruption

disclaimer: i don't own digimon or anything you recognize

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_Interruption_

They'd searched for Impmon for hours, in every place they'd ever seen him and in a hundred places they hadn't. The sun was just beginning to set as they finished checking in all the cubbyholes and under every bush of yet another park, so they called it quits for the day and started back to to Guilmon's home. Jian was so distracted about Impmon and everything else he didn't hear the shout, but he felt Ruki go stiff beside him and turn sharply on her heel. He looked over his shoulder, expecting Impmon, or the lunatic with the lighter, or another giant beast out to kill them, but it was only two grimy-looking sixth graders.

"That's the girl who cheats," said one to the other.

Ruki snorted, "I don't have to cheat."

"You do! No girl could be that good at cards."

"Are you actually serious?" Jian laughed loudly beside her. Ruki was so startled her heart jerked against her ribs; she had forgotten all about him. It was nothing new to have sore losers jeering her in the streets, but never before had someone helped put them down, "She's a girl, so she cheats? Maybe you just suck."

"Why don't you shut up, kid? We're here to talk with this little cunt-"

"Hey!" Jian barked, his body going rigid, "Don't you dare-!" he would have finished _speak to her like that_, if Ruki hadn't stepped forward and nonchalantly spat in the kid's face.

"Now fuck off," she said in that deadened, dangerous voice she had, "or I'll wipe that spit off your face with the asphalt."

The boy was already wiping the spit off himself, cursing and sputtering. The friend beside him gritted his teeth, called her _cunt_ again, and threw a punch. Jian moved quicker than Ruki would have ever thought he could, but again she got there first. With an irritated scoff she pushed the clumsy punch aside and slapped her open palm into the boy's throat. He fell to the pavement, choking and wheezing, "I thought I told you to _fuck off_."

The first boy hauled the other to his feet and they sulked off across the park, still calling names behind them. With her shoulders hunched and her hands stuffed in her pockets, Ruki turned without a word and walked away. Jian jogged to catch up with her, "Ruki! That was-"

"What?" she snapped, rounding on him, "Inappropriate? Crude? Un_lady_like?"

"I was going to say cool."

Ruki blinked, surprised with him for the third time that day. That was not the usual opinion about her behaviour; she had no idea how to respond to it. She just turned and started walking again, slow enough that he could fall into step beside her.

"Personally, I don't like to handle things by spitting, but I can appreciate someone else who doesn't take people's shit. And someone else who can knock an idiot on his ass."

She looked away from him to the sidewalk under their feet, but Jian thought he saw the corners of her mouth turn up, "I didn't need you to protect me, you know-"

"I know you don't need taking care of," Jian said quickly, because they are maybe sort of friends now and he doesn't want to wound her very delicate pride, "I did it because I wanted to."

"Well if you'd let me _finish_," Ruki definitely smiled this time, and bumped her shoulder against his, "I was only gonna say thanks for doing it anyway."


	2. the Spin the Bottle fic

**note**: in this fic and others I will be referring to Jian with ze/zem/zir pronouns. my headcanon is that Jian discovered they were a nonbinary person in hir early/mid teens so that's why the younger stuff uses 'he' pronouns. if you have a problem with any of this I do **_not_** want to hear about it. also later fics might bring up the kids sexualities, which are not straight, and some brain stuff headcanons, including autistic Ruki and Takato and Juri with intellectual disabilities, and if you don't like that -surprise!- I _**don't**_ want to hear about it. if however you notice I messed up on the pronouns I _do_ wanna hear about that.

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_Required Spin-the-Bottle Fic_

"Three times means you have to use tongue!" Hirokazu shrieks, slopping his beer on her bedroom carpet and little bit on her jeans. Ruki considers taking the bottle pointed at her and breaking it over his head. Everyone is heckling and cheering and Jian is crossing the circle to her, grinning a goofy, crooked grin that makes her suddenly shy, even though she's just kissed zem twice. Ruki has never _used tongue_, let alone used it in front of a crowd. But this round ze is meant to be kissing her_, _and she thinks she can follow zir lead.

"Well?" she demands, her eyes steady on zirs, burying her giddiness and anxiety under arrogance. Jian gives a breathy little laugh at her challenge, and takes it. For a moment it's as simple as the other kisses, but then ze moves zir mouth against hers and a jolt shoots down her spine. Their lips part, their breath mingles, their tongues flick together. Jian takes her chin in hand and pulls her closer, wrapping zir tongue around hers. Something warm blooms under her belly; something tightens around her lungs. Ruki never knew kissing could be like _this_.

And just like that it's over and ze gives her that stupid, charming grin again before going back to zir place. Ruki stares after zem, disoriented and disconnected. Her head floods suddenly with noise, Kenta whistling and Juri giggling and Hirokazu hooting, Ryo joking how jealous he is and Miki telling Ruki to take her next turn. She does, watching the bottle spin as though hypnotized. If it lands on Jian _again_ they'll probably be forced into the closet for five minutes to do god knows what. She thinks that would be horrific and that would be amazing and that she must be drunker than she realized. But it doesn't matter, because instead she takes a sloppy kiss from Hirokazu, and the rest of his beer too. Ruki gulps down most of it in one go, because if she's drunk enough be acting like this she might as well get drunk enough to not care.

Another surge of noise breaks over her when the bottle lands on Kenta. Hirokazu meets his best friend in the center of the ring and she watches, she laughs, because she's meant to. Over their heads Jian catches her eye and ze winks at her. She turns away, her heart leaping into her throat, and she's sure she hears that breathy laugh again. She has to remind herself it's a just game, it's just a kiss, and that it's _Jian_, for god's sake, and that she's drunker than she realized.


	3. Aftermath

_Aftermath_

Ruki doesn't cry.

She thinks she wants to, but it seems like all the things that made her human, that made her alive, have been scooped out and replaced with ash and sand. She's so lonely it's a physical pain and she wants to summon Renamon, who was always watching over her and always came when called. Then she remembers, and somehow she feels both hollow and filled to the brim, and the pain is so unbearable she can only turn herself off. Ruki liked to think she was so mature, but really she is only a little girl whose body is so small and scratched and worn it can't handle all the feelings inside it.

Jian doesn't cry, either. At least not that she sees. She thinks he might have let himself once, that first night he had to sleep in an empty bed, but silently, because he wouldn't want to wake anyone. He wouldn't want anyone to know. Jian had said he needed to stop holding himself back but it's not that easy to stop. Maybe she had feigned indifference and he had acted carefree, but at the core they were the same. Ruki knows what it is to keep a lid on everything, to be wound so tight it feels like your spine could snap. You have to let it out little by little, because if you ripped it open all at once you'd be so raw and tender you could never harden up again.

The rest of them cry, and when they do they come to Ruki and Jian: the tough ones, the rocks, the ones who can take anything. But that's wrong. It's only that some people's emotions spill out and others burrow in. Still, they take them in their arms, poor little Takato who wails _I __**made**_ _him_ and poor little Kenta who weeps _I barely got to know him _and poor little Shaochung who sobs _Terriermon, Lopmon, Terriermon, Lopmon_, as though they'll come if she calls just one more time, and worst of all poor, broken little Juri, who doesn't say anything, just cries and cries and cries. They play brave and strong, for the others and for themselves, but when they look into each other's dry eyes they _know_.

When they can they spend time alone, curled up on his bed. Sometimes they are quiet, content to listen to the other's breathing, because it's nice to have someone beside them who fought the war and journeyed between worlds and doesn't want to talk about it. When they do talk it's about mundane, personal things. They are forging a friendship on something other than saving the world, because that might be over but their lives have to move forward. So she learns Jian is allergic to strawberries and he learns Ruki plays bass guitar, and they pretend they aren't shattered. They are so very good at pretending. Someday they'll talk about what they've lost and what they've seen and yes, even cry, but they can't help eachother piece the fragments inside them back together until they've helped each other take apart the walls around them, brick by brick.

One day she takes his hand and he immediately grips her so tightly her fingers creak, as though it's his lifeline, as though she's only thing anchoring him to this earth. She feels the callouses on his knuckles and the throb of his pulse against her palm and it's the the first thing that's felt _good_ in so very, very long. They have the weight of everyone else on their shoulders and the ache of loss heavy in their hearts. They're sinking, but maybe they can keep each other's heads above the water. And if not, well, at least they'll drown together.


	4. Hate

_Hate_

Ze wants to hate her. It would be so much easier. But what could ze hate her for? Dating someone who wasn't zem, when she had her own feelings and made her own decisions? Flaunting her relationship in front of zem, when she had no idea ze even liked her? Ze can't hate her for that. Anyway, Jian doesn't think ze could ever hate Ruki, for anything.

Ze tries to hate Ryo. It would make zem feel better. Jian tells zemself Ryo is mean, is pushy, is cocky. That he's a giant ass. And it turns out he _is_ an ass, but in a good way, a funny way, a way that makes her laugh. And that he is pushy, but it's all a game they play, where he calls her sweet names and begs for kisses and she turns him down; it's just how they are, how they've always been. And he is cocky, but so is she, and when they knock their egos together, when they pick on each other and bruise their pride, it only makes them laugh and keeps them grounded. And it turns out he _isn't_ mean, he's actually really nice, not just to her but to Jian and Shaochung and everyone else. It turns out he's a decent guy who's very good to her, and makes her very happy. Ze could never hate someone for that.

So in the end Jian just hates zemself.


	5. Uncertainty

as a **warning** this one's got lots of kissing and mentions of sexual stuff

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_Uncertainty_

It began innocently enough: a bit of flirting, a few harmless innuendos. It was more teasing than anything. Then later came the touching; fingers carding through hair, hands squeezing knees, cuddling in dark rooms lit only by tv screens, tucked into the couch corner. Jian started kissing her cheek to say hello, letting zir lips linger, pleased by the red blush that stained the edges of her ears. And she started calling zem Killer, of all things. "So good looking I could just drop dead," she had laughed, sliding a hand down zir arm, "People see you in the streets and their hearts stop beating." Zirs had stopped for a moment right then, when her fingers ghosted over the thin skin of zir wrist. But it was only a joke, a bit of fun between friends.

Except now her fingers are knotted in zir hair and zir heart is roaring like a caged animal and ze wonders absently if this is still harmless, if this is still a joke. Ze wonders if ze still wants it to be. Then Ruki pulls zir head back by the hair to get at zir throat and all ze can think of is her mouth sucking on the skin beneath zir jaw.

"You're kinda rough," Jian's laugh sounds thick and raspy in zir ears, "Then again, I guess you would be."

"Do you want me to stop?" Ruki huffs against zir neck. The heat of her breath makes zem shiver.

"No."

The fist in zir hair tightens and she nips at the tender skin where zir neck meets zir shoulder. In response ze grabs her hips roughly and grinds them harder into zirs. Her fingers start fumbling at zir zipper, which sticks halfway down. She growls in frustration and gives zem a smack on the chest, "You and your stupid fucking vests!" Jian snickers and reaches up to do it zemself, using zir other hand to draw her back to zir mouth. Ruki's hands are busy with the buttons of her flannel top as ze tosses zir vest to the ground.

The sight of zir clothes on Ruki's bedroom floor rips zem abruptly out of a haze. All zir earlier thoughts slam back into zir head, sharp and jagged. Jian's always been the cool head, the voice of reason, and in zir momentary state of clarity ze remembers this is zir best friend with her tongue down zir throat and that this is going to change something, though ze can't imagine how much or what it will be or what ze'd like it to be. Ze's overwhelmed, and it's all ze can do to laugh wildly and gasp, "God, Ruki, what are we doing?"

"Do you want to stop?" she asks again, panting, her shirt undone enough to show the sports bra underneath. Ze looks at that, and the freckles on her shoulders, and her kiss-swollen lips, and the blush along the shell of her ear. The sight of zir vest on her floor might have pulled zem out of a fog, but the sight of her like this pulls zem back in. Right now there's only so much room in zir head, and how could logic ever stand against the squeeze of her thighs around zir hips and her scent of smoke and citrus perfume and the flash of heat in her eyes?

"No."

She tsks at zem and goes back to her buttons, "Then stop interrupting with stupid shit and take your fucking shirt off."

Jian laughs again, loudly, delightedly, because that is so Ruki. Ze strips zir shirt off and ze yanks her to zem, kissing her hard. Ruki is laughing too, into zir mouth, and her skin so warm against zirs it feels like zir blood has caught fire. Ze realizes then that no matter what this will mean when it's over or whether or not zir feelings are romantic, this is the right choice, because she is zir dearest friend and ze loves her so deeply and right now ze just wants her as close as ze can get her.

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Afterwards ze lays beside her on her bed mat, half dressed and entirely unsure of what happens next. It's always best to let Ruki lead the way when her emotions are at stake. Right now she could be hostile or rowdy or skittish as a mouse, and there's no way to know until she shows zem. So Jian lays in the dark and the silence, watching her out of the corner of zir eye, waiting for Ruki to figure out what she feels.

"I'll be right back," she announces suddenly. Jian's heart sinks into zir belly. Ze's afraid it's a lie, that she's closing herself off and she'll hide from zem somewhere in her huge house and all ze'll be able to do is leave, with no idea where they stand, and wait for her to come to zem. But before she gets up Ruki slides her hand along zir hair and that's all ze needs to know everything's just fine. Jian sighs deeply and rolls over, now able to fully enjoy how zir body feels loose and tight all at once, how zir toes can't seem to uncurl and zir lungs can't seem to fill all the way. With zir face pressed into her pillow every breath ze takes smells like her hair.

When Ruki reappears she's wearing sweatpants and her flannel half-buttoned, a cigarette hanging from her mouth, "You comin' out?"

They duck out into the hall, open to the air on one side. Ruki leans against the wall and gives zem a tiny smile before lighting up. Jian sits beside her, too weary to stand, zir eyes closed and zir head resting against the wall. Zir legs are like jelly, but it's a good feeling.

"Hey," Jian opens zir eyes to Ruki nudging her foot between zir knees, "Spread 'em, Killer."

Jian opens zir legs wide enough that she can sit between them, her back settled against zir chest and zir arm around her. Ze sweeps the hair off her neck and tucks it all over one shoulder. "Share," ze murmurs in her ear. Ruki tilts her head back on zir shoulder as she raises the cigarette to zir mouth. When ze's taken a drag she brings the cigarette back to her lips, but still she's gazing up at zem. It's hard to read Ruki's face if she doesn't want it read, but Jian knows her well enough to see tenderness in her eyes, and thoughtfulness and a little bit of fear.

"You asked before what we were doing," she says finally, her words flowing out on a cloud of smoke. Zir mouth is suddenly lined with sandpaper, so ze grunts in response. "What do you want to be doing?"

Jian thinks about when they were twelve and giggling in a blanket fort, shushing each other so zir mother wouldn't catch them up so late. Ze thinks about fifteen minutes ago when ze made her cum, how she rocked on zir fingers and called zir name and ze forgot how to breathe. It's strange how memories can be so completely at odds and yet snap together like puzzle pieces. "Honestly, I have no idea."

"But do you want to stop?"

"No."

She looks away from zem finally, closing her eyes and pressing her face into zir neck. The fingers of her empty hand slide gently along the arm around her waist, across the thin skin of zir wrist, "Me neither."


End file.
